Have you ever been in a relationship where you were not respected? Was it a spouse, family member, -in law, friend, etc. If you have ever been on the receiving end of disrespect you know all too well that burning sensation you feel deep within that makes you want to reach out and touch, somebody’s hand (but not to make this world a better place). Sometimes the hurt from the disrespect runs so deep that you simply must clutch your pearls and take a deep breath from the shock of it all. Disrespect hurts, rather it was intended or not. The hurt goes even deeper if the disrespect is a reoccurring theme.
As a married Mama of 4 I know that I, like many have a long marathon of raising kids ahead of me. It is my job to be a wife and a mama to my babies. Anyone who comes my way and tries to sow discord in either of these areas in my life will need to be reevaluated. Why? You may ask….Well it goes like this…. Being a wife and mama is no easy task, as you already know. It comes with its own set of hardships and the last thing I need is someone trying to one up me on my parenting skills, continually giving the same unsolicited advice, not supporting the lifestyle I feel is best for my family, going against me in front of my children in a critical way, being passive aggressive, or purposefully making an attempt to make me feel like crap, under the guise of being “helpful”. Any or all of the above is toxic and just like you wouldn’t eat or drink anything toxic why would you continually expose yourself to toxic people. I was once told the people closest to you can hurt you and I have found that to be true.
Mama’s we all have faults and sometimes when people bring up your faults it can hurt and cause you to feel inadequate or even become even more critical of yourself. There is nothing wrong with bringing up a person’s faults if you are indeed coming from a respectful place and are tender and kind with your timing, approach and words. However, we all know people who pretend to mean well, only to try and hurt you, for whatever reason. There comes a point along your journey when you say enough is enough! You have to weigh the pros vs. the cons of having this person in your life. To take it a step further you also need to look at the role you have played. Did you allow this disrespectful behavior to continue after the initial onset? Did you ever stand up for yourself and confront the issue? If you can clearly see that someone is disrespecting you and this has become a pattern for them you have to put a stop to it. If you choose to allow yourself to continually be disrespected and verbally bullied then at some point you have to understand that you are inadvertently telling them that you do not mind being disrespected.
In life I have learned that you have to teach some people how to treat you. If you allow them to run all over you they will, however if you disengage they will see that you do not approve of their disrespect. At that point they have a few choices. They can change their behavior or choose to disassociate themselves with you. Some people bring toxic energy and that is who they are until they make a choice to be different. You do not have to put up with toxic people regardless of who they are. I am learning that the best way to deal with toxic people is to limit my interaction with them or disengage altogether. I have to be in a positive frame of mind when raising my children. No mama wants to walk around being sad because she keeps allowing herself to engage with someone who keeps her on an emotional roller coaster. It is not healthy for you, your kids or your marriage. You may not think that other people’s actions towards you can impact how you treat your husband and kids, but it can and it will. You will find yourself yelling, short tempered and lashing out at those who have done nothing to you.
Mama’s I hope this post will give someone the courage to handle the toxic person(s) in their life. It’s no fun walking on egg shells or try to hold back tears when being bombarded with insults under the guise of constructive criticism. You owe it to yourself and your family to remove yourself from toxic people and situations. If you were waiting on someone to give you permission to do so, wait no longer. Mama you have the right to remove and disengage from anything or anyone who is toxic to your well-being. TGIF, enjoy your weekend and bask in POSITIVITY!!!!
Don’t just live, Enjoy Life!
Disclaimer: If you are in an abusive relationship please seek help first from crisis counselors who are available to help you 24/7 at the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) http://www.thehotline.org/