Mama’s if you have children chances are you understand that men and women speak a different language when it comes to parenting, helping out around the house and with the kids. Before your little darlings arrived things were normal. You were able to shower anytime you liked, nothing was standing in your way. If you wanted a mani-pedi you just simply drove yourself to get one. When the babies came the waters became muddy and the lines got blurred really quick, probably when you came home from the hospital. In case you’re lost about where this post is going let me give you a few examples and show you how our words can get lost in translation.
You say, “I need a shower”. Hubby hears that you need a shower but he simply does not understand why you haven’t taken one, after all he has no problem taking a shower everyday. He feels that you should simply go into the bathroom while the baby is asleep and take shower, Oh if it were only that simple, especially when you have more than one child and if you’re nursing, bless your sweet little heart. In our minds this is code for “help me out here, watch the kids so I can shower, please”. He does not get it and probably will not unless you say “Babe I need to take a shower can you please watch the kids?” Now for some women having to ask your husband to watch his own kids seems weird. I mean the kids are his, he did help you create them, so why in the world should I have to ask him to watch them? Chances are if you do not ask him and the kids need something you will have that “cold air” moment when they come into the bathroom and start opening the shower curtain while you’re showering. Not cool, so not cool! You may even hear that dreaded knock on the door from a toddler yelling your name, trying to have an inaudible conversation through the door. In the mean time you’re thinking what in the world is he doing and who’s watching the kids!
Another language barrier I’ve experienced as a Mama is when I’m trying to get myself ready, the kids ready and the diaper bag (with snacks and sippy cups) ready and my husband is slowing taking his time getting ready. Here I am making sure 4 kids get ready with matching clothes, socks and shoes and I am getting no help. Shoes need to be tied, belts need to be looped and the only name everyone keeps calling is mine “Mama”. It’s as if they are completely forbidden or immune to calling their other parent’s name “Daddy”. Even when I tell them to go ask daddy, them come back to me. So here I am frazzled, about to go manic because surely my dear husband has to hear all this commotion. I’m wondering why he hasn’t come to help me out because the odds are completely stacked against me and in his favor. He’s the first one ready and here I am still struggling and he looks like he really has no clue what in the world is really going on in our house. Mama’s this used to drive me insane. Most times I kept it bottled in and we’d ride in silence because I was fuming and I didn’t want to have this conversation in front of the kids.
My most favorite language barrier moment is when you bring your kids home from the hospital and the real fun begins (insert sarcasim). Seriously you’re happy to have your baby home, but you have no idea that you are about to be a sleep deprived train wreck. You are on maternity leave and chances are your husband is going back to work and he “needs” his sleep. Really? As if I don’t need sleep too. More than likely your husband feels that you can function without sleep since you carried these babies for 9 months. Somehow he is convinced that waking up every 2 hours or so doesn’t make you a grumpy beast mama. Well newsflash babe I need sleep too and I need you get up and feed the baby because I’m exhausted.
Mama’s I’m sure that many of you can relate to what I’ve shared about Mama language v Daddy language. Now please note that there is a solution to this problem. While we may think that our husband’s see a need and will always fill that need, truth is that may not happen on its own. Mama’s we have to speak up and give our husbands clear and concise language about what we need from them. If we do not we may not get it. I know some of you are saying it’s like being a dead horse sometimes, but he’ll never learn your Mama language if you don’t communicate it to him. Figure out 3 things you need your husband to help with. Write those things down in case he forgets. When he helps you sincerely tell him thank you and let him know how his help has made your load lighter. Many times our husbands know they married strong, multi-tasking, nurturing rock stars that can handle anything. Even when we look frazzled and it seems chaotic they know we’ve got it under control. Mama’s we pretty much ROCK out! If you’re frazzled I encourage you to talk to your husband and let him know how you’re feeling. Don’t continue to hold it can because resentment will build and it eventually the smallest of things will make you explode. Nip it in the bud before it gets to that point with a simple conversation. Remember your husband is not a mind reader and it’s not really fair to expect him to be.
Live your life with a purpose!